THIS IS NOT A DISCUSSION.
Raw potatoes
WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE, A GROUND MAMMAL?
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Boiled potatoes
THAT PARSLEY ISN'T FOOLING ANYONE. THOSE ARE WET TESTICLES.
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Potato salad
OH YOU MEAN POTATO HUNKS SUSPENDED IN A MAYONNAISE SOUP?
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Scalloped potatoes
IF I WANTED SOMETHING THAT LOOKED LIKE A MOLLUSK I'D LIVE IN THE OCEAN.
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Potatoes au gratin
NO COMPRENDE.
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Sweet potato pie
I THOUGHT YOU WERE PUMPKIN AND NOW I AM SAD.
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Hasselback potatoes
LISTEN, THEY LOOK AWESOME BUT I MADE THEM ON TUESDAY AND THEY TOOK OVER AN HOUR TO COOK AND TASTED LIKE — YOU'RE NEVER GONNA GUESS BUT — A FRICKIN' POTATO.
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Potato chips
NOTHING ENRAGES ME MORE THAN ORDERING A BURGER AND BEING HANDED THESE THIN SCABS OF STARCH.
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Baked potato
ANYTHING THAT ENCOURAGES ME TO EAT A SPOONFUL OF SOUR CREAM IS COOL WITH ME.
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Potato soup
YEAH BABY INJECT THAT THICK POTATO CREAM STRAIGHT INTO MY VEINS.
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Home fries
THEY ARE THE BRICKS THAT PAVE THE ROAD TO FLAVORTOWN.
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Latkes
SLATHER SOME APPLE SAUCE ON THERE AND CALL ME DADDY.
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Tater tots
THEY LOOK LIKE TURDS AND YET I CRAVE THEM WITH THE PASSION OF A THOUSAND FIERY SUNS.
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Potato skins
BASICALLY A CANOE FOR CHEESE TO SAIL DIRECTLY INTO MY MOUTH.
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Roasted potatoes
I'M A SUCKER FOR CLASSIC HOME COOKING AND A ROSEMARY GARNISH.
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Waffle fries
ARGUABLY EVEN BETTER THAN REGULAR WAFFLES.
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IF YOU TRIED TO SLAP ME ACROSS THE FACE WITH THIS YOU COULDN'T BECAUSE I'D EAT IT IN ONE BITE.
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Curly fries
IF I HAD THREE WISHES I'D WISH TO BE SMALL ENOUGH TO SLIDE DOWN A CURLY FRY LIKE A PLAYGROUND SLIDE AND THEN I'D WISH TO BE BIG AGAIN AND THEN I'D WISH TO EAT MORE CURLY FRIES.
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Mashed potatoes
A FLUFFY POTATO CLOUD I GET TO PUT INSIDE MY BODY. ISN'T BEING ALIVE THE BEST?
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French fries
PORTABLE, CRISPY, POTATO-Y PERFECTION. THE GREATEST FOOD THERE EVER WAS AND EVER WILL BE. WE ARE SO LUCKY.
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